I’m getting more confident in my changes. I’m not shying away from the words thinking “that’s not really me, is it?” Today is my four week anniversary of no meat. Originally this is when I was going to start eating meat again, sort of. I had told myself that I was only giving up meat for a month just to try it, so it wouldn’t seem as daunting, so I’d be more likely to succeed. I’m the kinda person who can easily be freaked out by absolutes. I need time to adjust to them. And thankfully this month has been that time for me. I allowed myself to think about all of these horrible things while I wasn’t eating them, and less than a week into my “month” of no meat… I knew I was done with it forever. It had originally started as “I’m not going to eat meat this November and I’m trying to drink soy milk” to “… never again.” And I know that deep down inside, this is what I wanted the second I had the thought “I feel like a vegetarian.” I’d been thinking about giving up meat for ages and ages, I had a failed attempt in high school and the concept never really left my mind entirely. It would pop up from time to time, I’d think about it for a bit, and then push the ideas back down in my head. Because they weren’t convenient. I couldn’t do it then. But then I started on an SSRI for anxiety. Three days after the drug was functioning in my system… I decided I didn’t want meat. They’re obviously connected. This is who I am, I just needed some help to get here. I’m finally starting to feel like the person I want to be.
I’m getting my voice back. In high school I was part of the debate and leadership clubs, I cared about things, I wanted to change things that needed changing. And then university happened, I lost those supports and the free time to actually do this, and I became so bogged down with work and courses and trying to get by. But after I reconnected with the teacher who sparked so much in me, I wanted to be that person again and almost felt trapped because I wasn’t. I’m rebuilding my identity, and I’m going to be amazing. I cant wait till my student debt is gone and I can support things with time and money and actually help benefit others in need.
My confidence is starting to take off again, originally I started this blog because I didn’t know if I’d feel comfortable talking about my vegetarian/veganism on my facebook account. But when I went to the slaughterhouse… I posted those photos on facebook. I couldn’t not. I struggle between wanting to share information and challenge people to think (which I have always loved doing) and being that obnoxious friend that posts a thousand things a day that no one ends up paying attention to. So I’ve resolved to try to only post about things when I’ve been at an event of some sort, stick to posting things about what I’m actually doing instead of a million things I’m reading. If I overdo it, I’ll lose my audience. But if I’m careful, people will still actually listen to me. And maybe I can make a difference that way. By being the trusted vegan.