I have been on an emotional roller-coaster lately, and it has not been at all fun.
I bounce back and forth between being genuinely happy about things, finding joy and love everywhere; and feeling like nothing at all is right with my life.
I have some really fantastic people in my life, and I get a lot of support from them. But lately I feel like my support from them and their willingness to be around me is contingent on me not talking about certain things. Normally I’m respectful of avoiding topics that might trigger certain things in certain people, and I’m not one to intentionally make someone feel uncomfortable. But when everyone requires that I mute myself on the same topics… that becomes a little hard to handle.
I get that not everyone can like everything about you. But when that thing is so crucial to your identity, often feeling like the biggest part of who you are and how you define yourself… how do you deal with that? How do you deal with people saying that they love and respect you, so long as you don’t talk about the thing that’s most important to you? How do you feel loved entirely when you think people would be happier if you were different?
I’m not going to change; this is who I am. But sometimes I just don’t know how to deal with the impact it’s having on my life.