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I’m Grumpy

Every time someone (who I assume or know is a meat-eater) posts something about animal rights, ESPECIALLY something about typically farmed animals… I immediately comment on it all excited asking them if they’re veg/vegan too.

It’s my passive-aggressive way of calling them a hypocrite.

Oh, you think it’s cute and happy when Dairy cows are released from their confinement, and get to live in a nice field because of some amazing people, instead of being sent to slaughter? Oh cool, STOP DRINKING MILK AND EATING ANIMALS THEN.

Except, I can never actually open with that, cuz what if the person actually is vegan and I just didn’t know it yet.

I just get so mad at the hypocrisy. The disconnect. How stupid people are. How ignorant. How blind they are to the impacts of their actions.

I get mad. I get frustrated. I just want this shit to end and there’s nothing I can do to end all the suffering I know is going on around me every second of every day from every angle.

Sorry guys, guess I’m having a bad night.

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Change in Focus

Lately I’ve been noticing things more and more. Or, only noticing meat. I was walking to school one morning, and I walked past someone eating a burger from McDonalds… and literally all I saw when I walked past her was the meat. All my eyes saw were the burger. It was like a special camera effect in a movie, my eyes literally were only seeing the meat, the person holding it was blurry and not visible to me. I shuddered. I’m not really sure what else I have to say about this, as it was a really weird experience for me, but I just wanted to put it out there.

Notably of late, I’ve been getting more vocal with stuff with my friends on facebook. I have a classmate who is very sweet and does excellent things rehoming dogs and loves horses and talks about her love of animals in general, but can’t be vegetarian because she’s super anemic. But then she does things like post a picture of bacon, eggs and asparagus saying “gotta start the day off right!” This is not long after me posting my pictures from the pig save vigil where she said “this is so sad, it’s a good thing I had a fully veggie day today!”  and posts a video of How it’s Made about egg production (which was actually exceptionally mild yet she “couldn’t express how upsetting” it was to her…). My unacknowledged response was “I’ll have the asparagus.” What really annoyed me was the proximity to her other posts and remarks. But it gets worse…

Shortly after that, she posts something about “the three reasons why bacon is better than true love.” I had a witty response, “You forgot the word ‘tempeh’!” to which she responded that tempeh could count to, and I expressed that I really had meant more as an alternative to bacon, not alongside bacon. One of the reasons she posted why bacon was better than true love was that love is fleeting, but bacon stays in your heart (arteries) forever. I posted a picture of pigs on a truck saying that “Bacon is sticking in my heart even more-so now that I am not eating meat.” No one else said anything after that.

I’ve started posting more things about how cute piggies are and how I could never eat them again. And today I shared something a friend posted how cows basically dancing on their way out to pasture after being stuck in the barn all winter. I’m starting to post more. And later today, when she gets off work, I’m planning on telling my friend who I’ve been worried about telling. She’s an “ex-semi-vegetarian” and she things veganism is “excessive”, that “cows like being milked because it relieves them” and that “chickens are going to lay eggs no matter what so eating them doesn’t harm them” … I had mentioned to her before I’d made any changes that I was considering things and starting to think more about what I was eating. So I’m obviously worked up about telling her, and she tends to have big reactions to things. But once she’s said her little rant about why she thinks my decision is silly, I’ll be able to tell her the actual reasons behind my decisions and hopefully she won’t have any objections… not that that would change me obviously, would just make my life a little nicer.

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Making it REAL

I’m going to my first pig save vigil tomorrow morning… I’m utterly terrified. I get close to tears even just thinking about it. But I need to go. I need to make this 100% real for me otherwise I’m scared I’ll somehow slip back into oblivion and denial and go back to the way I was. The way the rest of the world is. So I need to go for me. To keep me honest. But I’m also terrified of the way its going to affect me. I don’t want to be the stereotypical obnoxious vegan… but at the same time I do. I do and I don’t. I used to be really obnoxious about my atheism. I don’t think I’m OBNOXIOUS about it anymore, but I’m certainly not shy about it. But I feel that there are more atheists/agnostics in the world than vegetarians/vegans. I feel isolated and fear judgement even though I’m proud of my decisions.

I have a feeling tomorrow is going to change me. Sicken and horrify me. Amplify me. And I need to be okay with that. I need to stop feeling scared about the judgements people might make of me, something I’ve struggled with a lot of my life. I need to be braver, bolder, stronger. I stand up for what I believe in, and I take pride in that. I’ve been too quiet about things I care about lately as I trudge my way through menial jobs and seemingly countless years of post secondary education. I feel muted. I feel like I’ve just been putting my head down and ploughing through life focused only on getting by, not being me.

I am a queer (almost)vegan atheist. I believe in honesty, truth, and respect. Good luck shutting me up once I’ve gotten going.

 

H